


letting go

by johnnyclash87



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnyclash87/pseuds/johnnyclash87
Summary: Cut and Suu meet for the first time. It’s my first fic I’ve ever posted with smut so advice is more than welcome!
Relationships: Cut Lawquane/Suu Lawquane
Kudos: 4





	letting go

Breathe for a count of 4. Hold for 7. Out for 8. Repeat. It was a good thing part of training on Kamino included reducing panic, courtesy of a Mandalorian training sergeant because otherwise Cut might be screaming on the ship right now. The engine sounded like his transport, the metal was cold like his transport, it shook like his transport. And each thought brought back every vivid image of the crash. The blaster burning through the hull, the smell of scorched flesh, his brothers screams. He survived that though and would survive this. It would help of course if he had something more comfortable to sit on, but he couldn’t exactly complain to the captain. 

A jolt and a thud told him they had landed. The loading ramp hissed as it released pressure and lowered itself down. Slowly the light of the late afternoon sun filled the cargo bay. At the bottom stood the ships Niko captain, looking both flummoxed and perturbed. 

“How did you ge-?” Cut, who was now walking authoritatively toward the captain interrupted him.

“Those sleeping quarters were terrible! I couldn’t even find the hot bath! You call this a luxury transport?” 

“What? No.. I” if the captain wasn’t confused this wasn’t helping nor did the fact that Cut kept walking.

“Wait.. This isn’t even Canto! Oh I will most definitely be talking to my agent about this! I expect a full refund and to be compensated for my suffering!”

The captain was at a complete loss of words, or how to stop Cut from walking away into the crowd at the landing bay. When Cut was sure he was far enough away he took a moment to examine his surroundings. It was only because he heard the captain say the name that he even knew where he was; Saleucami. From the arrangement of stalls and the constantly moving people it seemed he was in a market, probably meant to cater to the flow of pilots and passengers. 

His training meant he knew how to access threats, how to be aware of his surroundings and how to react to an attack. But right now everything felt like a threat or an attack. And what good was training if he had no squad mates, no reserves to call and only a vibro knife as a weapon? Cut took a calming breath and refocused his mind. There were no Separatist, no droids and no Geonosians. The worst threat he faced was tripping over someones feet. 

The smells of well spiced meats grilling reminded him that he would need food. But to get food he would need money and what he acquired from selling his armor and blaster wouldn’t get him far. Which meant he would need a job, but where would he even start looking? Any one of the food vendors looked like they could be a good source of information, and he was hungry. 

He approached a stall that wasn’t too crowded which wasn’t exactly promising. But he had to use his credits sparingly and he needed someone who would have time to answer questions. He ordering a small portion of bread and meat and making a show of enjoying the meal. He hoped this might make the merchant a bit more amenable to a few inquiries

“Say can you tell me where I might find some work around here?” 

The vendor, a Kel Dor, put his spatula down and his hands on his hips in thought:

“Hmm most people try the tavern, I think. It’s two streets down on the corner.” Cut gave him his thanks for the food and the information and departed. The tavern wasn’t hard to locate but it also didn’t draw much attention either. The only item distinguishing it as a bar was a sign hanging over head. Cut stepped through a single wood door that scraped on the floor. It was small and oddly cozy. Two of the four patrons sat at high tables and two more sat at the bar, currently minded by a human. He would be the one to ask about work, Cut assumed. He sat at the bar and examined the choices on the taps. What he needed was water but people who don’t spend money don’t get information. The bartender came to him and asked him what he would like

“Uhh Ne'tra gal, please” It was the only beverage he had ever heard of and hoped it was widely available.

“We don’t get any of that out here, but we have a decent black lager that’s brewed locally” 

“That’ll be fine” The bartender produced a glass from under the bar and filled it from the tap with a dark copper liquid. Cut paid for the drink and left a tip as well, mentally calculating how much money he had left. Finding a job was expensive. 

“I heard I might find some work here?” 

The bartender wiped off glasses and replaced empty liquor bottles.

“I cant say I’ve heard much. I can ask around though. What sorta skills do you have?”

Skills; hand to hand combat, marksmanship, small team tactics, ordinance, survival, first aid. All skills that would make him a good mercenary or bounty hunter. But he left the GAR because he didn’t want to kill other people or be killed himself.

“Umm.. I can.. lift things.. heavy things..” 

“Hmm well usually someone at the landing bay needs help loading and unloading supplies. But it doesn’t pay well and some of the pilots have a habit of leaving before they pay. I’ll keep an ear and an eye out though” The bartender walked away to help another customer.

During this whole exchange Cut noticed another one of the patrons had been watching him almost continuously. Cut passively drank his beer hoping maybe this person would leave him be. But as they stood up he knew that wasn’t the case.

The steps had a strange pattern; step-thud, step-thud. He must have lost a leg or foot and replaced it with a peg of sorts. When he came in close proximity to Cut he continued his examination much closer. Cut turned and saw that he was another human and along with missing a leg, his right arm was also absent.

“You look familiar..” His voice matched the roughness of his appearance.

“That would have to be impossible as I’ve never been here before” Cut wanted to avoid a confrontation but also wanted him to know he wasn’t harmless.

“Yea.. you look a lot like a bounty hunter I met.. sound like him too.. Jinn.. Jenga.. Jango.. That was it. Literally cost me an arm and a leg” Of all the people to run into why couldn’t it be someone who owed Cuts progenitor a favor? 

“You lost your leg because you stepped on a mine he warned you about when you went to try and steal his ship.” The voice was feminine and came from another table. Cut briefly searched and found its source; a female Twilek with pink skin.

“And the arm you lost when you got drunk and decided to arm wrestle a Wookie”. She approached the two and placed herself between them facing Cut

“Besides, that bounty hunter had scars on his face, this fellow doesn’t” Cut was suddenly very concerned about the appearance if his face and where he should look as this woman seemed to 

“Yea well.. “ The man stopped his words when the bartender rather casually placed a slug thrower on the table. Without a word he left. 

“Thank you” Cut was relieved to not have to get into a fight. Even if he wasn’t adverse to violence he was sure killing someone wasn’t the best way to acquire employment. 

“Honestly you weren’t in any danger. He just figured he can bully anyone into more booze money. Actually i wanted to talk to you anyway. Brek tells me you’re looking for work?” 

Cut was glad she kept talking because it gave him a reason to keep looking at her. 

“Yes, I am.”

“Well I own a farm and I could use some extra help. Do you know much about farming?”

Unfortunately agriculture wasn’t considered essential to combat effectiveness on Kamino. “Honestly I can’t say I do. But I’m a hard worker and I can learn.”

“Well I can’t pay much, mostly just food and lodging. But if you’re interested”

“Yes. I’m very interested” Cut suddenly wasn’t sure it was the job he was interested in. 

“Then you’re hired.. whoever you are”

Cut almost answered with his CT number and rank and unit designation

“I’m Cut”

“Suu Lawquane“ she offered her hand which he gladly took. At that very moment a young Zabrack came barging into the door

“Turn on the news! The Republic is going to War!”

Either the bar was the only place with a holo viewer or the only one with beer. The small place was packed with more and more people watching and commenting as Chancellor Palpatine announced the development of the Grand Army of the Republic. The chatter was almost indiscernible but Cut could make out some of what was said 

“Where did these Clones come from?”  
“I bet they look handsome under those helmets”  
“The Senate can afford a war but they can’t pay my niece a decent wage?”  
“The Jedi wouldn’t agree to this unless it was absolutely necessary”  
“Those Separatist will finally learn their place”  
“As long as I’m not the one going to fight”

Of course the only ones not there to join the debate on the war were those who would die in it. Cut couldn’t look away from the screen as he saw rows and rows of Troopers in formation; his brothers. What the crowd didn’t know was that this footage was taken before the Battle on Geonosis. How many of them were dead now? How many came back missing body parts? How many would suffer a worse fate from the Kaminoans? 

Suu’s voice brought him back to the tavern

“It just doesn’t seem right. Giving someone life but no freedom..?” 

“Yea. It’s awful” As Cut listened to her and watched her he felt much calmer. Suddenly the room didn’t feel so loud and crowded. 

“If you’re ready we can head to my farm now” Cut nodded and was glad to go anywhere with her. Outside she had a a Blurg tethered to a post. Suu effortlessly mounted the beast while Cut looked up at her unsure what to do. 

“Just put your foot on the stirrup and sorta jump up.” Suu made it sound easy but Cut wasn’t so sure. Still he attempted the move and was surprisingly successful. He sat behind her on the saddle still obviously feeling very awkward being so close to someone. 

“You ok back there?” Suu held onto the reins and commanded the blurg to move.

“Yea.. I.. I think so?” This was certainly different from the AT-RT he trained with on Kamino.

“You’ll be ok. I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve been behind a woman” Cut wasn’t sure how to interpret her remark or tell her that including her the exact number of women he knew was one. 

The blurg trotted at a speedy but mostly smooth pace but not smooth enough that Cut didn’t find himself bouncing up and down slightly. He looked for something to hold on to and the most logical and obvious thing to do was put his arms around her waist. As much as he he wanted do just that for reasons he wasn’t sure were purely practical, he felt it might not be prudent. He was a bit afraid the ride would be awkwardly silent but thankfully Suu was in an inquisitive mood apparently. 

“So obviously you’re not from here. Where are you from?”

Cut new the name of over a hundred planets and their climates and major cities and yet not a single one could make it from his memory to his lips. 

“Uhhh Navarro.” he finally said. He was sure Suu was wondering why he took so longer to answer what his home world was. 

“I see. I don’t think I’ve known anyone from there. What did you do for work?” She surprisingly sounded sincerely interested in his life. Unfortunately he didn’t have much of a life for her to be interested in. 

“I was a janitor..” A janitor? Why would he think she would be impressed with that and why did he suddenly care? 

“So what about when you aren’t working? What do you do for fun?”

Cut decided it might be to his benefit if he started asking some questions 

“So do other people live with you on this farm?” As soon as the words came out of his mouth Cut worried he was asking too much. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was to anger Suu and be left in the middle of nowhere. 

“Just me and my two children. But they’re visiting family. What about you? Do you have family?” 

Yes he did; over 3,000,000 siblings and counting. 

“No, no I don’t.” It was very difficult to carry on a conversation without shared experiences like close order drill or how the exchange rate for ration flavor packets. What did natural born people talk about anyway? He tried to think of something to ask her quick before she could do the same. 

“What do you grow on this farm?” Finally something that made sense. 

“We raise eopies for milk and meat. We also grow grains to make bread or sell to some of the bakers and brewers. As a matter of fact Brek tells me you had one of the beers made from our grains. I hope you enjoyed it” 

“Uhh yes it was very good” It was certainly better than the illicit wine his batch mates tried to make with fruit powder. 

Shortly crops and fencing came into view and the scent of livestock filled his nose. Suu steered them through a pathway to a corral. Next to it was a barn and a hodgepodge structure of various ship parts. 

Dismounting the blurg was slightly easier than ascending it. From the corrals and the barn he could hear the bleating of what he assumed were eopies. Cut became aware then that the air was slightly cooler now and that the sun was midway past the horizon. 

“Well this is it.” Suu gestured with a wave of her hand with feigned enthusiasm. He wanted to tell her that compared to the uniform sterile metal and glass he was accustomed to this was a refreshing change. 

“It’s lovely.” He hoped his words sounded sincere. 

“You say that now. Wait till your cleaning out the pens.” Her voice had an air of levity that reminded him of some of his brothers which made him smile. She smiled back and he felt his heart race. As strange as it was it was good to feel his pulse race from something that wasn’t panic. 

“Anyway if you’re hungry I’ll start dinner and then show you were you’ll be sleeping.” Cut suddenly had a very clear idea where he would like to be sleeping. 

Together they entered the structure and he was welcomed by a dim but warm light. Much like the tavern it felt homely even if it was somewhat disorganized. Cut took a moment and realized that he actually felt very very safe. 

She directed him to a table in the middle of what seemed to be both a living and eating space. Not long after and they were dining on a simple meal of bread and eopie meat. The bread was smeared with a generous portion of eopie butter. 

“I should warn you. We tend to eat a lot of eopie” Suu poured him a glass of milk. 

“Shame. I was hoping to make one a pet” If he was making jokes he was obviously feeling much more comfortable. Suu chuckled and Cut had an intense need to hear that laugh again and again.

“Oh you can have one as a pet. Just don’t be surprised if it disappears mysteriously” Cut took a moment to take in the moment. It felt very good to eat food that was meant to taste good and not just for nourishment. It was good to be with someone who made him feel.. happy? Safe? As he thought more and more he felt a tightness in his throat and a rising moisture in his eyes.

Hard as he tried to hide it Suu must have noticed. Her smirk disappeared and her eyes looked very concerned.

“Oh I.. I’m sorry I thought you were joking about the pet..”   
Cut dabbed at his eyes and looked away feeling very much ashamed s

“No. I was. It’s not that. It’s nothing I must have gotten something in my eye”. 

Her eyes were filled not with pity but compassion. She reached a hand out towards him and left it there, open but not forced.

“Cut, I know when people are hurting. It’s ok to feel and I hope you know I’m here for you” The fact that this woman not only opened her home to him but also her hand wasn’t helping him hold back his tears.

“Thank you. I’ll be ok. Maybe I’m just tired” 

“Why don’t I show you your bed then? I could use some rest too.” They stood up and with his help she cleared the table. The room she showed him wasn’t so much a room as much as a space separated by a curtain. Luckily privacy wasn’t something he was accustomed to. Thankfully the bed was already furnished with a pillow and blankets. 

“If you give me your shirt I can put it in the wash” Suus words hit him with some conflicting feelings.

“Oh I don’t have anything to change into..” Cut was feeling very vulnerable and stranger yet he liked it.

“Well it’ll be clean in the morning. In the meantime I’ll turn the heat up and you can sleep shirtless. And if it’s too hot you can sleep naked” Cut was glad the humor returned to their talk but he found himself at a loss of words. Suu stood waiting for him, as if she was there to inspect him. Something told him the routine inspections on Kamino would have been considerably less stressful if she conducted them. He took off his shirt and methodically folded it before handing it to her. He looked at her eyes which seemed to be looking everywhere on his body but his eyes. 

“I guess being a janitor builds a lot of muscle..” Her voice didn’t sound like she was jus making an observation. She bid him a good night and left the room which she seemed to be reluctant to do.

There was no reveille alarm but Cuts internal clock still woke him up before the sun. He listened to hear if Suu was also awake. The sounds of footsteps and moving dishes from the kitchen told him she was. 

He came into the kitchen and found her preparing breakfast. The area was permeated with the smells of eggs and breakfast meats and warm buttered bread. 

“Good morning” still shirtless, Cut felt exposed but not in a way that made him uncomfortable. 

Suu turned from adjusting the heat on the stove and returned his greeting. Cut felt a smile spread across his lips as he considered the reality that he wound waking up to see Suu many many more times in the future. He wanted very much to just gaze at her but didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. On a chair he saw what looked like his shirt.

“0h is that mine?” He pointed as she turned.

“Oh yes sorry I forgot that was there.” Cut wasn’t sure he believed her entirely. He put the shirt on and asked if there was anything he could help with. 

“Actually I’m almost done. But if you don’t mind helping with dishes I’d appreciate that”. 

Together they sat down and started on their meal. If the food wasn’t already delicious enough it was made more so by how leisurely they could eat. There was a silence that wasn’t at all stifling or awkward. As they ate Suu turned a holoviewer on to the news. As one would expect it was currently on a report on the coming war. A newscastet was interviewing the new Kaminoan Senator who brought a squad of Troopers with them. Suu and Cut hardly paid attention although Cut hard time not wondering which of his brothers was behind those helmets. 

When they finished eating he gladly cleared the table and started washing dishes. He could vaguely hear the news but hardly focused on it. 

Until he heard the Kaminoan order a trooper to remove their helmet. 

Cuts adrenaline and heart rate rocketed and he suddenly felt very hot and ill. He tried to swallow but his throat felt jammed. How could he explain this to her? How would she react? Would she turn him in? Would she think he was a coward? 

He mustard up enough courage to turn around and face her. She still sat at the table looking the holoviewer her face scrunched up in thought.

“So that’s why you’re hurting. It’s what they did to you, to all of them” 

Cut didn’t know what to say but was glad he didn’t need to say anything. She got up and closed the distance between them.

“Is it ok if I hug you?” Cut nodded his head and she wrapped her arms around him. Suddenly all the tension and fear in him seemed to pour out. Just being there with her made him feel ok. 

His hands were still but he could feel hers slowly start to stroke his back. This simple touch sent his heart racing again but this time he welcomed the feeling. As he breathed in he realized she smelled like warm spices and floral honey. She kept holding on to him but pulled her face back to look at his. As she looked into his eyes he allowed himself to smile. She lifted her face to his and met her lips to his in a kiss. 

“I hope that was ok” Cut liked that she let him have a choice but he would be happy with anything she did.

“Yea I liked it”. She responded with a smile and a kiss. This one lingered longer and he felt her lips mold to his. It felt as if she was breathing a new life into him. When he felt her tongue gently press on his lips he willingly opened them to let her in. She tasted sweet and warm in his mouth and his fingers gently dug into her back. She stepped back again leaving him wanting so much more.

“I guess that wasn’t part of your training was it?” She smirked in a way that was full of mischief which made him laugh.

“No it was not. Unless you count first aide training.” She didn’t say anything but took his hand and led him to her sleeping quarters. She was assertive but also gentle as she brought him to the bed and led him to sit down. 

“Just relax and do what I do.” Cut was never more glad to follow order. She cupped his face and kissed him again. Each time she did his body jumped and he felt a surge through his skin. Her hands roamed his back and he hesitantly repeated the motion. The skin of her back was warm and smooth and the more he felt it the more he wanted to explore. 

She pulled back and indicated she wanted to take his shirt off. They did so and she pushed him down on the bed. Suu removed her own top. With her legs around him she straddled his waist and leaned down. She brought her warm lips to his neck and kissed him there sucking gently on the skin. He moaned and his chest rose. The closeness of her body and her mouth on his neck made his cocktail rise as well. Her lips sent jolts of pleasure through him and he gripped on to her hips. Her hand which was resting by his side gently walked up his chest and with just her finger tips trailed along his skin till it found his nipple. With aching gentleness she circled the edge with her finger drawing out a moan of pleasure from him. He felt a singe of ecstasy pulse from her finger down his body to his dick. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Her words were sweet to his ears. He wanted to let her do as she pleased with him but relished knowing he was still in control of his body. 

A moment later she sat up and positioned her neck over his lips. He gladly took the cue and placed a soft kiss on her skin. She moaned her encouragement and he became bolder, sucking and even biting the skin. All while her fingers still teased his nipple and her free hand brought his to her breast. He instinctively squeezed it tenderly which brought out a moan from Suu. He realized making her moan like that excited him and he wanted to do it more and more. He mimicked the motions she did on his own nipple and started to run his finger around hers. Experimentally he would flick or squeeze the bud to see what made her moan the most. Each time she cried out or made a grunt he swore he became harder. 

Suu looked bay him and stroked his face 

“I want to lick and suck your nipple.. is that ok?” Cut could barely say a yes. With just barely any hesitation Suu lowered her lips to his nipple and caressed it with her tongue. With soft lips she sucked and kissed to which he reacted by moaning and squeezing her nipple with equal gentleness. He was left longing for more when she stopped and lifted her head up.

“You can try that with mine if you’d like. Or we can stop” 

Cuts fingers were still playing with her nipple; “the last thing I want to do is stop”. With a coy smile she positioned her breast in front of his face. Just as she had, he kissed her nipple and took it in his mouth. It felt soft and firm and he found it felt pleasant on his tongue. 

“That’s very good.” Suu was practically gasping her fingers trailing painfully gentle over his skin every so close to his waistband. He was sure if she went any lower his whole  
body would explode. Everything she did felt so amazing he was practically melting. Judging from her moans it sounded like she wasn’t far off from a similar situation. 

Suu stood up off the bed and removed her pants. Cuts experience was obviously very limited but he knew by how wet she was that she was enjoying this as much as he was. 

“I’d like you to take your pants off so I can put you inside me and ride you” Cut didn’t even say anything he just took off his trousers; his throbbing cock practically announcing itself. Suu looked at him hungrily and bit her lip. With ever so much grace she straddled him again. With her hand she guided his member into her soaking pussy and lowered herself down. The sensation around him was indescribable and only became more intense as she brought herself up and down on his shaft. He could feel her warmth coating him and massaging him. His chest rose and fell rapidly and he could feel a rising sensation that was all too familiar. 

Somehow Suu seemed to know just what he was feeling and needed to hear(

“It’s ok Cut. Just let go” 

He grabbed on to her hips and met her movements with his own thrusts. Together they found a rhythm that brought him closer and closer to the edge. Her own moans became indiscernible screams and cries as her own release came closer and closer With building pressure he could no longer delay, his cock erupted inside her as she herself cried out triumphantly. 

Both of them panting she laid down next to him, hand on his chest. She kissed his lips and smiled that wonderful smile of hers. 

“Remind me to give you a raise”


End file.
